granpa driving
Yesterday night I remembered that from time to time in my life, out of my pessimism, i can still enjoy some really good laughs. I must have forgotten about how nice it is to laugh till the point in which I am almost crying, my stomach is contracting so hardly that I could barely stand and I am forced to bend down or at times even to lay on the ground. Moreover it seems that I cannot really control it, I am suddenly taken by those laughing attacks when I less expect it, even after several minutes from the cause or after days and week with laugh-flashbacks. It didn’t happen many times in my life, but the few I can recall, it was always when me and another buddy were taking joke of the behavior in someone else: not really about that person itself but by putting them in the middle of a certain comic and kind of imaginary situation. Anyway yesterday was the turn of Jessica’s uncle, a bit of a ”blind” and “deaf” old pal who was driving his car like crazy, while going for for a big family dinner. The spark that lightened up the fun was that judging by his behavior, it could have been “his last drive”: there was this yearly family gathering on a restaurant 20 or 30 miles up the hills and I saw granpa sticking around the car during the whole afternoon, polishing in and out, run several mechanical checks and so forth. It was mounting a racing steering wheel, probably for better grip but of course my guess was like “hey, the old chap has got an heavy foot…” Anyway by down, me and Jessica were riding with him and his wife, sitting in the backseats; as soon as granpa left the city and had a clear road, he started to give gas to the car: i swear that on every turn the tires were squeaking by loosing grip, and the more turns we faced the more he started to drive nutz, in the meantime his wife was yelling at him in a chinese dialect “slow!!, go slowly!!”.. and the more the wife was yelling the more granpa was getting angry and driving insanely… there was a point in which i was afraid to explode in laughs because i thought he was going to kill us. But apart from the story itself, the good stuff is that it made me laugh so much, and after that, I felt really good, real good. The last time I felt that way it was probably in Canary Islands (2003). By the way what’s the moral of the story? Being too serious, dramatic and thoughtful sometimes takes away the joy of living with stupid little things…
This is not an actual news but I forgot to post it few months ago so here It comes better in late than never. It was a cold night of April, in Guangzhou, China, I was sleeping at Bruno’s place, on a very bone-crashing single couch, when I suddenly woke up in the very early morning, probably around 6 or so, with still frames of a dream in my mind and while recalling it, strangely, I could remember every single detail and I realized I had to take note of it as soon as I could. So I ran to find a pen and a piece of paper and with my heart still beating fast for the emotion, I wrote down everything I could picture in my memory: “I am piloting a small rocket with a super hi-tech cockpit in shining and refined silver. While flying over a futuristic metropolis I can’t focus if I am chasing or chased by someone, but accelerating over incredible speeds I try to zig-zag through the skyscrapers. I’m afraid to hit one of the buildings so I insert the automatic pilot while searching possible alternative escapes on the computer panel. There is a general failure and I have to switch to the manual pilot again; after a curve a bridge appears in front of me and in a matter of less than a second I had to pull the cloche down with all my strength for trying to pass over it. The top cable of the bridge brush against the fuselage and cause a damage to the navigation system: the computers are alarming like crazy and due to abrupt maneuver my jet is losing control. I cant get the flaps regulated to regain stability and after avoiding a possible second collision on a building I find myself in panic searching through all the flying manuals while checking those millions of gauges and keeping an eye on the road. I manage to insert a sort of mach4 awesome speed that pushes me against the seat and not even being able to move. I am paralyzed and I don’t know for how long I can stand the acceleration-force and I feel that I can’t breath anymore. After loosing the senses I regain consciousness when the automatic pilot is slowing down my course and lands on a strange place, all surrounded by white fog. I open the window of my pod, and I jump out standing on my own feet, I cant believe I’m still in one piece. I see the entrance of a labyrinth, and a butler who is coming towards me, welcoming, bending while opening the door and indicating the way to follow. The walls are in white but the texture is old and it looks like a wine cellar. Don’t know how but I am facing 269 questions to access a secret area of the city. I am standing in front of some devices which are controlling the gates of the labyrinth are a lot more antiquated than the actual times, and there are red and green lights which are turning on depending by if I answer the question correctly or not. I’m sweating while proceeding and answering all the questions. I get to solve intelligence and logic puzzles, and each time I answer a question correctly the green light is signaling the way clear and I can proceed towards the next gate. I every time hesitate to push the answer button because no errors are allowed. I’m scared to death to face 269 questions when I cant even fail 1. So when I get to the 149 which was questioning some historical detail regarding the colonization of Singapore…” at that point I woke up and really felt like my mind was tired after hours of answering hundreds of quiz and still sweating the hell out of me. Well I don’t exactly know what this dream means but It’s interesting that I can remember so many details about it! Oh and by the way the cockpit of the jet was similar to the one in a a 1986 film that I saw when i was a kid: Flight of the navigator
Sherry & Alan
This morning I went downstairs to check my mailbox and I found a letter with Chinese stamps, I slowly and curiously opened it, discovering a greeting paper with a drawing attached in the middle. I stayed without words for several seconds before feeling something that made me first smile and then turning in to something sad and melancholic. I am sad of seeing memories of those moments which will never come back, I am sad because I will never be able to live those particular sensations anymore, I am sad because I will never be with her again, on that exact day, in that position, in that frame, in that place. Seeing that portrait remembers me how nice we were together no matter it was a good or a bad moment. It’s too sad to know that everything is lost, lost in the wheel of time. My literature teacher impressed me once, at the middle school during one of his probably off topic lessons while explaining the most obvious but forgotten and given-for-granted concept about the time:” You know kids that this moment, this second, when it’s passed, it’s gone, and we will never be able to live it again…”. I was shocked at that time, knowing that I couldn’t get back the happiest moments of my life, knowing that I should have chosen everything with extreme attention because there were no second passes. For Alan Rooster as well, there are no turning back, no rewinds , only thousands of bouncing memories trapped in a mind. Life sucks for the 1001th reason: we don’t own any damn remote control that is capable of making us hold on to a good feeling as long as we want, it’s always dashing away, we can chase it but we can’t catch it, no matter what we try, sooner or later it will be gone, forever, becoming a gray portrait of lost happiness…
“…indeed life as you call it ,has always been fended off your eyes “beneath a steel sky” by people who are just reviewing its patterns experimenting what I call “natal” reactions without understanding the mechanism that is hidden beyond. The interior of a human being is not programmed directly but it automatically absorbs inputs from our go-through , enough to reproduce itself probably in the genetic code developing what you call “feelings”. Those unknown sensations which your being will be driven by, are just fast and small “nano-scale” impulses taking place in the inner of your brain which are capable of creating a sort of “soul” following physical phenomenon rules. Unfortunately those processes are nowadays traceable as a small shell thrown in the middle of an ocean. We generally fall in passivity with pure casual measures and picking up random states that the life is offering us, therefore the management of the factors which are pulling out our emotions could be completely under our control…” [...]
“…your actual knowledge is based on unconscious needing without a complete “breakthrough” in your brain, since you are just following a genetic code which is in a short term range bringing you either joy or sorrow. My knowledge is merely different because my objective is to understand how the human-machine works so I’ve already step in to a new system of ideas and I’m close to the ability to control which percentage of rationalization I wish to put in my “natal” sensations becoming almost capable of distinguish different type of codes “within” each human…” [...]
“…you may not understand my words but the spark which can tell you to look beyond, will take place only if: – You experience a negative stadium of multiple sensations due to a fail in your rush to the “natal” needing – you suddenly realize and simulate the vast null after those “natal” needing – you are able to go round your “natal” needing and look at them from behind , but this is only possible in case you reach a very high level of intelligence naturally, or in case it will be possible in the next decades with the help of powerful computers) [...] “
“…My intelligence is devote to prevent the human being from being absorbed by the clouds of the blind-evolution while explaining why, no matter how much we try , the rush to happiness will never lead us to an happy ending…”
It was the beginning of 2001 when I resigned from my last full-time job contract with HewlettPackard and since then I’ve just been working with freelance assignments, part-time projects while never being a wage slave anymore: I started to work by my own as web designer, IT stuff , secondhand vehicles trader and lately as a video editor. I quit the corporate-slavery for multiple reasons; I couldn’t stand to wake up every morning, being stuck in the traffic for 1 hour on the way to work, forge my ass on a fucking chair for 8 hrs, spending my energies improving a company that is not even mine while making someone else rich! I must have been crazy to work my ass out following ridiculous procedures, giving the best out of myself to get the same fucking amount of money at the end every repetitive month. Going back home after another hour in the traffic and ending up stressed, just wanting to lay down on the bed and don’t do anything where I have to put my brain in. That was the death of the intellectual and physical wellness: selling out the freedom to be able to watch a sunset, eating calmly, have a chat with people you care about, enjoy and develop an hobby or a passion, definitely dedicating hours of my day to myself and keeping control of the time instead of letting the time control me. I didn’t want to sell my ideas and my freedom for a dull salary, so I said “hey go fuck yourself mr. Hewlettpackard”.
Anyway let’s get back to the point of my news: long time back I realized that in order to fulfill my needing, I have to conduct a lifestyle where I can choose when and how to work, I have to create time and spaces that will lead me to the door of pure sensation of self control, freedom, wellness and will stimulate my will of living and believing. For doing so, I have to schedule my time in a proper way for devolving into certain activities such as: 3hrs for sporting, 3hrs for writing my journal, travel’s diary or update my website; 1hr to chat/email people I met all around the world, 2hrs to research news trough the internet, 1hr to play a musical instrument, 2hrs to improve or learn new skills , 1hrs for listening to the music, 1hrs of recreational activities , 3hrs for just laying down on the green, look at the sky and meditate over million thoughts passing through my stateless brain. I’m occupied with lots of works indeed. Do you still think I could find enough time for a job? Really, my friend, I have no time right now, I’m too busy, I have too many things to do and take care of, but hey you sheep, please stay where you are, I still need meaningless employees like you, otherwise who would attend me when I go shopping?
